Anticipation


June is almost upon us. I find this remarkable. It seems that just yesterday we were celebrating the new year – and now suddenly we’re six months in! Whew – talk about time flying.

We are supposed to start shopping for our homestead this month. Choosing a property to which we will retire and become self sustaining. I anticipate this being many things… a lot of work, exciting, and even heart rending I’m sure as we agonize over which place will suit us best.

I want to be closer to my grandsons – and am being pulled in that direction. Yet I don’t really want to leave these mountains, and I honestly don’t think he does either. So… we shall shop – and we shall find that perfect place… the one for us. And we shall homestead the hell out of it.

What about you, what would  you look for in a new abode?

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Things I’m Pretty Sure I’ll Need to Know


You know, moving is never easy. It is always an experience – most often a bad one. Yet, here I stand. Two years shy of 50 preparing to retire and embark on the most challenging journey of my life. This is going to be interesting to say the least. I’m sure that it will be fraught with peril. And joy. I know there will be a lot of joy.

Soon, our lives will change forever and we join countless others making a trip back. Back to a time where each and every family could sustain its own members with the fruits of their labor. Where a bushel of tomatoes was worth a pound or so of flour, or sugar. A time when working meant something – and not working meant you may not survive the winter. It’s not a lifestyle for the faint of heart, this is for sure.

Animals don’t care that you’re in pain, sick, or tired… they must be tended to every single day, regardless of the circumstances. Crops cannot be left to moulder in the field because you don’t “feel” like doing anything today. One night could mean total loss. You don’t get a pass on your birthday, sick days, or vacation.

Each and every day is another opportunity to provide security for yourself and your family. There are some pretty specific skills that are required to do something like this… Things I’m pretty sure I’ll need to know:

  • Canning and preserving vegetables, meats, and fruits
  • Growing, tending, and harvesting a year round garden to feed 4
  • Raising and caring for goats, chickens, pigs, and eventually cows
  • Making paper, soap, laundry detergent, and other toiletries
  • Rainwater catchment and purification skills
  • Basic first aid – human and animal
  • Irrigation, carpentry, basic plumbing
  • Fire Building and charcoal production
  • more, much, much, more…

You know, there is a lot that goes into becoming self sustaining. I know that it’s not going to be easy… sometimes it’s not going to be exactly “fun”… but all the time it’s going to be rewarding. That’s what counts. Utilizing your God given skills to care for yourself. I’m excited to begin this next phase of my life. I know that my future holds untold adventures. I look forward to sharing the experience with you all. Stay tuned…

Tests… or The Longest Two Weeks of My Life


I am telling ya’ll that all these tests are wearing me out! I’ve had a biopsy, and an MRI of my head, and today I get to go in for a PET Scan. Yay me! The fun part of the pet is not the scan itself – but the wait for the test… you see, you have to be “fasting” for this particular test. Absolutely nothing but water (which, by the way, is encouraged)  for six hours prior to the test… Which wouldn’t be so very bad – IF the test were at say 9 am… but no – today my test is at 3:30. So I have to get up and go through my entire day without any coffee or food. I usually eat my breakfast/lunch around 12 every. single. day.

This is disturbing my body clock… and my body is not at all amused. And the other best part of the test? Oh these get done in between chemo/radiation rounds to determine if the drugs are working… so I see plenty more of these bad boys in my future.

*Sigh*… so I’m starting to see why cancer really sucks. The idea of dying isn’t even remotely as disturbing to me as the invasiveness of this disease. I have dozens of people all up in my bodies business… tracking its every change…. I have holes in every single vein in my left arm that can be punctured – and one of those veins is so sore I can barely move my hand… seriously? I was poked in the same vein 3 times this week!!!! It becomes painfully obvious to me why so many people just say to heck with it and give up on this “treatment” thing… because honestly just the tests leading up to any kind of treatment have made me dislike the medical profession immensely.  I know it’s not their fault – and they’re doing the best they can to keep me alive to dance with my grandchildren at their weddings. But… I have come to the firm conclusion that cancer sucks – for many reasons. And death is the least of those.

Tuesday March 4, I will have answers. Finally, the questions that have plagued me for two weeks will be answered. My entire future will be determined in a 20-30 minute conversation with my physician.

Please continue to pray, send positive vibes and energy, and love & light my way – I’ll take it all!

Turning of Events


After work the other night, I got sick to my stomach. I don’t know what caused it… I just know that even my pheneregen from Norovirus didn’t stop my vomiting. But then something weird happened. I started having pain in my chest, neck, arm, and shoulder… like really bad. I took one of my regular pain meds and went to sleep. About 3am it woke me up, and kept me up part of the morning. When I got up to go to work around 8 am it wasn’t too bad, but it gradually kept getting worse, and worse. So, off to the ER we went.

I got there just after 9 and was taken right back… they ran an EKG and ruled out my heart, but the chest xray showed what looked like a spot of pneumonia. They drew a bunch of blood…and something in the blood work was high so they sent me off for a CT scan.Apparently the blood work was similar to that of someone with blood clot in the lung.   then came back with these big bottles of fluid and drew more blood, a sample from each side of my body – which I thought was odd. They said they wanted to see what type of bacteria it was. I’ve had pneumonia several times before, and this has never happened….

A while later they came back in the room and told me that what the found in the CT looked like tumors. Also that a couple of lymph nodes are involved. I met with an oncologist Tuesday morning at 9. He’s sending me for an MRI tomorrow, a biopsy on Monday, and a PET scan on Sunday the 2nd. I’ll meet with my doctor again. We will know then what we’re dealing with and how we’re going to do it.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m scared. I don’t know what what is going to come. I do know that I’m trusting that God has control of the situation and will carry me through it. I believe that I will be okay. I intend to fight for the ability to watch my beautiful grandkids grow up and start their own families. I want to see my great grand children.

I guess this is a new chapter in my life. One that I face with faith, and the strength that comes only from God. With the love and prayers of others I will make it through this.

I’ll be posting a bit more as I have time. I’m going to try and work as much as possible during this time too, just to keep my insurance current and paid .

So – send me your prayers guys – I’ll take every one I can get.

Thanks!

 

Welcome 2014!


One year ago, I was in a deeply dark place in my life. I contemplated all manner of ways to get out of that dark place, and I made some unpopular choices. Unpopular with some because I wasn’t choosing to live my life the way they felt I should. Unpopular with others because it directly affected them in a negative way. I’ve made my peace with all of that, and hope that one day they too will make peace and learn to truly forgive.

Today I stand on the cusp of a bright new year and all that it brings – new opportunities to share my life experiences, new chances to help others, and new experiences to enjoy.

It also brings the opportunity to bring about more change.

I’m ready. I’m willing. I’m Excited!

2014 promises to bring amazing joys and triumphs. I for one am waiting with baited breath to see what some of that will look like.

I’ll be celebrating an anniversary this month – one year in the arms of a man I never thought I’d speak to again – much less have the opportunity to share my life with again. I am so truly blessed and awed by his unconditional love and devotion to me. His innate desire to please me, make me feel loved, and show me each day how much I mean to him. He has done more for my self-esteem and heart in the last year than I felt from my previous relationship in 10 years. I’m the most important thing in his life – and he shows me every single day just how true that is. Everything he does he does for me.

I have learned so much about myself in the past year. I have learned to truly love again, and it feels amazing.

I’ve always lived my life knowing that everything happens for a reason. We are put in others lives for a purpose. We are removed from, or remove ourselves from others lives for a reason. God has an ultimate plan in everything that happens… and His plan will be served regardless of our desires. Look at Jonah – he tried so hard to run from what God wanted of him… but in the end, God did what God was gonna do… and he used a whale to do it.

I firmly believe that I am where I am today because it is truly what God intended for my life in the beginning.

 

 

So, hello 2014 – I cannot wait to see what you bring!

A-Z Blogging Challenge – April 30


a-to-z-letters-z

 

Z is for Zest

A hearty pleasure or appreciation of things. Zest. Also, the outermost rind of a citrus fruit. Used to spice things up a bit.

Zest.

We need to learn to live with zest. Relish each and every  moment of each and every day we have on this planet.

We owe it to ourselves to live a life full of enjoyment and love.

We need happiness in our lives to survive. Without it we would surely fade away.

Embrace your life, no matter how rough, no matter how hard. Look for the good things. Seek out the pleasures, no  matter how small, and focus on them. Learn to incorporate what makes us happy into our every day lives.

It makes a difference.

Take time out for you and make certain that you approach your time with zest. It’s about making yourself happy. Feeling good about yourself. Grabbing life by the horns and making it a ride to remember!

Enjoy your life, celebrate the little things. Live with Zest.

How are you living with zest?

A Note from the Author: 

Well, that’s it y’all. One month of posts. I did it! I made it all the way to z, and damn it feels good.

I hope that my words have inspired some of you.

I hope that I have brought a smile to your faces.

I have been so blessed to know there is someone out there reading. Please, feel free to comment, and share these posts. Maybe someone can benefit from my words.

Please, stick around! I love hearing from you.

Above all else, my friends, stay happy!

A-Z Blogging Challenge – April 29


a-to-z-letters-y

 

Y is for You Only Live Once…

 

Yeah, yeah… don’t give me a hard time for the YOLO reference… seriously? It’s true!

You do in fact, only live once.

Why, then, do so many of us sit around and bemoan our circumstances; stay where we know we shouldn’t be? Why?

You. Only.  Live. Once.

Once.

One life to get it right. To live happily. To be the person you truly want to be. To have what you want from life. To do what you want to do.

Once.

Again, I will say it y’all… Life’s too short to be unhappy

It is. For real.

Your life can be taken from you tomorrow. Your loved ones could go in an an instant.

You don’t know.

We are not promised tomorrow.

Simple as that folks.

You only live once.

Do it with all your heart.

What are you doing to live life to it’s fullest?