2012 Round Up!


Wow… I cannot believe that it’s already the last week of the year. Seriously, I would like to know who stole 12 whole months of my life? It’s been a really long year and a lot has happened. I’m going to try to give a rapid overview of  it all…

We were still living in Kentucky this time last year after our move from Georgia. I just have to say that Kentucky was NOT my favorite place to live.

Kentucky

Kentucky (Photo credit: davebarger)

Of course January was fraught with worry and stress as we tried to decide what we wanted to do. We could not afford to live in our house any longer, and the prepayment on our rent was up. So, we made the choice to move to Indiana with friends – and did so the first of February.

It has been exceedingly interesting, living this far North. I’ve always been a southern girl and this is a far cry from the warm and sunny South! We arrived to a couple of inches of snow on the ground from a snowfall a week before we got here… dang – we were concerned if it lasted until noon when and IF we got some in Georgia!

Our first few weeks here were an adjustment period for sure – trying to fit all of us in the same house was definitely a new experience. Our five and their six made for eleven in one place – two shy of classifying as a boarding house (which coincidentally is illegal without a licence and at least 3 bathrooms). But we lost two, and gained  a bedroom in April – which was a very good thing because sleeping on an air-mattress with three dogs – not so wonderful. Not to mention the cat… yeah.

We made the decision to get married this year… after 10 years of being together. Kind of a change for me because I wasn’t sure I really wanted to actually “tie the knot” again – but we started planning. If you think wedding planning is stressful – try doing it with two special needs kids and no money… what a wild time.

We also enrolled Little Man in school for the first time in over a year. I was so apprehensive about it – he has never done well in school, it’s always been a trigger point for him, and I was so worried that he would not do well. However, it has proven to be the best thing we could have done, ever. Also – it made me wish we had made the move to Indiana a couple of years ago!

I think I mentioned at some point in a much earlier post this year, that Our Guy decided against staying with us and moved back to Florida with is bio-mom. He has not done well in that endeavor and is now living in a homeless shelter down there.

Little Man has made so much progress since Our Guy has been gone that it’s becoming more and more evident that we made the right choice in letting him go his own way. We and his therapist are exploring the possibility that we may very well have transported one of his chief abusers right along with him when he came to live with us. Scary freaking thought… but as long as LM is making good progress, we’re not rocking the boat.

Of course we had to deal with the drama of Our Girl – and hooboy was there some major drama. So much that she wound up getting thrown out of the house, moving in with a guy she knew for just a few days, AND getting pregnant by choice all in the span of less than 6 months. Oh please just kill me now.

So, now we have a pregnant 19 year old bi-polar, hormone walking around the house. And to top it all of “baby daddy” turned out to be the biggest loser, and y’all not in a good way. In the 4 months we allowed him to stay in our house he worked a total of 3 days. Not even kidding here. So – he’s down the road and she’s not even 6mo. pregnant yet.

Which brings me to my next point – she’s already got a new boyfriend. Yeah… I know – kind of odd right? I thought so too – but hell she’s 19 what can you do about it? If you forbid it, she’s just going to leave. So we just deal. And we hope beyond everything that she and the baby are healthy and happy and safe.

Historic Dentzel Carousel

Historic Dentzel Carousel

We had our wedding in September at a historic carousel here in our town – it’s one of only four left in existence – and it’s amazing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mom and Dad with the greats!

Mom and Dad with the greats!

It was even more special because my parents got to meet their great grandchildren for the first time… My mom was in heaven!

 

 

 

 

It was an amazingly wonderful day and I was so grateful and blessed to be able to make it happen!

 

 

 

Sigh… the last part of this year was kind of a letdown after all the excitement! LOL

Actually, Little Man brought home his report card a few weeks ago – three C’s… nothing failing, all wonderful! Yet, he was complaining that it wasn’t good enough. We try so hard to instill some self-esteem into this boy, but he doesn’t care to hear it and is not impressed by our efforts. It wasn’t until my nephew told him that he had actually made better grades than he did that Little Man kind of calmed down.

So this pretty much brings us to the close of 2012. What are my hopes for 2013? Well, I guess you’ll have to stop by tomorrow to find out when I post my 2013 goals and hopes. 🙂

Happy Saturday!

Advertisements

Our Girl – revisited


So, ya’ll… wow. It’s been ages since I’ve really posted about any of the kids. And lately, it’s been so hectic that I can’t post about anything.

However, today I am going to post about Our Girl -well, because things have kind of taken a turn and I don’t know if it’s for the worst or for the better – I just don’t know anything anymore…

Our girl is now 19 and guys it’s one of the hardest teen to adult transition I’ve ever dealt with. So far I’ve had three teens turn into adults (Ky, Jon, and Jack) and the DH has Sean. We’ve weathered the storms quite well I think and they’ve all turned in to reasonably responsible adults. But Our Girl? She took this transition to heart. She’s an adult now. Meaning in her mind that she can do what she wants when she wants regardless of how anyone else in the house feels about it.

Eight months ago she wound up being thrown out because she was totally and completely off the chain when it came to her dad and I. She was rude, disrespectful, insolent, and mean. We couldn’t take it anymore – so to teach her a lesson, the dh’s brother took her down to the local homeless shelter – with her little dog in tow. Of course, Uncle T knew that the shelter wouldn’t take dogs and figured she walk off her mad and come on home. Nope, not our girl. She wandered around for a bit until some guy stopped and asked her if she was okay, and if she needed a ride. She took him up on it! Yes, I know guys – we have tried for years to instill in her a general suspicion of strangers – but she’s unable to be suspect of anyone. We could drop this child out of an airplane with parachute at 20,000 feet over New York city and she’d have 20 friends before she hit the ground!

Anyway… this fella apparently worked out at our riding stables – known around here as the ranch. He took her out there to check it out, then returned her to town. After spending a couple of days with her dad’s cousin – she went back out to the ranch for an “interview” as a hand.

They worked her for a week or two and in the meantime she started a relationship and moved in with guy who picked her up off the street – we’ll call him “E”. Now mind you, this child still  has no GED or diploma – she just won’t do anything to make that happen. We tried desperately to talk her into going to Job Corp to get her GED and some training – but she refused, saying she’d take the test, but wanted to stay at the ranch. So… we told her – if you’re leaving fine – but don’t come back without your GED.

Things seemed okay for her – she was working, and now living at the ranch and seemed happy.

Then in September, she got fired – probably because she was way better at watching E work than she was actually working herself – or it could have been her generally nasty attitude. Who knows? We rarely get the ‘truth’ behind anything. Because she was fired, she was not allowed to live out there anymore – so in all of his infinite wisdom (as a 27 year old man – yeah, I didn’t think it was awesome either) he decided that if she couldn’t be there – he wouldn’t either and quit! Lord help me! So guess who comes trailing back home with boyfriend in tow?? Yup, Our Girl. We agreed to let them crash for a few days until they got their pay from the ranch which according to them was close to $1000. Plenty to get them on their feet. When the check came it was for $100. We told them that while we understood that they were in hard times – they had a week to figure it out and move on – she wasn’t even supposed to BE here without her GED.

Just a couple of days later we were informed that she was pregnant.

Ummmm yeah, let that sink in ya’ll… pregnant

Not an accident either – they planned it, because an apartment over a barn full of 3000 lb death traps is exactly  the place to raise a baby. Actually, as she says, they had been promised a job and apartment elsewhere. Oh really??? So you make the choice to have a baby with a man you’ve known less than 6 months on the promise of a job and apartment?? Oh my Heavenly Father, Help Me!!!!! Where did we go wrong?

So… we agreed to let them stay here until E could find work and save for an apartment. Four months went by – and during that time E worked 3 days… yep, 3 whole days. Finally, with us breathing down her neck and his – she decided to kick him to the curb for the useless piece of trash he was.

So, now I have a pregnant bi-polar daughter sleeping on my couch – who still has all the attitude she had before, coupled with hormones of pregnancy. We’re trying to get her into housing so she can learn how to live on her own. We’re working with her to get her GED, and we are doing the only thing we can do – support our child through what will turn out to be the most difficult time of her life.

This has not been easy for us – we’re a bit angry because there were no adult thought processes used in the decision to bring this baby into the world – it was a selfish bid for what she wanted. We are sad because we know that the chances of her realizing all those big dreams she had this time last year have just dropped exponentially. We are excited because we’re going to have another grand child – number 4! And we are hopeful that she’s able to put aside her selfishness and concentrate on her baby.

Say a prayer for the Set in my Ways family – it’s a long hard road for us!

A post with no title


Yeah, I’m going with that title… it’s kind of how I’m feeling these days. My life seems very full, but I feel empty. I know this will indeed pass… but right now out feels pretty awful.
I’m stuck at home with little man ( who just turned 16) because we’re waiting for insurance to start paying for his meds… so he’s not on anything right now… this makes for long days full of frustration and stress… that helps the fibro, let more tell ya..NOT
Our guy has decided that 17 is an adult and has been openly defiant, deliberately disobedient, and damned poor company.
Our girl is now 18, and believes that household chores are now beneath her… I can’t even get a dish washed without a 30 minute argument about how she’s the only one doing anything around here. Funny, because I do more in the five hours I’m up while she sleeps till three than she does in a week… while keeping a two year old quiet enough for my night working dh to sleep!!
I feel unloved, under appreciated, and just plain tired.
Is it wrong to want to resign????

Posted from WordPress for Android by one tired mama!

Wow… the drama


Well, our lives are never what we want them to be, are they? This week has been one of those weeks that has had me in a perpetual state of WTF? Seriously!

It all started on Thursday last week, when our water was turned off because apparently, instead of being in our landlords name as we thought – it had been turned on illegally by the former tenant… ok – so this shouldn’t be so bad, easy peasy phone call – right? Ummmm nope, not in Louisville, KY… not at all. No this was to be a drama that has yet to be resolved.

On Wednesday of last week I emailed copies of our lease, id’s and Shawn’s SS card – of course mine is missing because I needed it! LOL The water company called and said the email wasn’t good enough, they needed to actually SEE the documents, so Thursday when the water went off we trudged down to the water company with the documents in question, at 4:30… by 4:35 we knew we weren’t getting water any time soon because we had to have my SS card, because even if my name wasn’t on the lease they needed to have my card since I live here… they have to see it for anyone over 18… (thank god they don’t know yet about the two adult children living here… ); Anyway, they refused to even review our stuff  without mine and the Social Sec. office was closed by this time, they told me just to get the letter from there on Friday and it would be processed then… Funny thing about Friday though – it was Veterans Day… ummm yeah, no SS office for me! On Monday we got that taken care of and sent in. They called today – I still have to have $30 to get it turned on in my name… well damn – Thursday I had$30 – today, I have bunko. Thank God for my sister in law who came through with a quick loan and our water should be on tomorrow… which is a great thing, because our dear son Our Guy really needs it… because dear readers I have even more drama to tell you about… drama which is still unfolding and has prompted our family to visit three of Louisville’s hospitals in the last 3 days!

So… Sunday afternoon Our Guy comes running in the house holding his hand against his stomach with his shirt yelling “Mom, Call 911 – this is really bad”… now being a mom in a city, my first thought was “Oh wow, someone has stabbed/shot my child”…. Nope, nothing as heinous as that – but still quite gruesome. It seems he found some teenagers to play football with. Harmless fun, right? Well, yes I suppose on a regulation football field that is regularly policed for debris… but a game of tackle football in an abandoned playground is probably not the best idea. At least not to my way of thinking – and I am pretty darn sure that our guy agrees at this point.

What was wrapped in the shirt, you ask?

Well, his finger – specifically the index finger of his right hand – at least what was left of it. Ya’ll this is not even remotely good! Apparently, Our Guy was running and got tripped, tackled, hit or something and hit the dirt sliding – well, that isn’t so bad, right? Well I guess it isn’t unless there is an 8 inch shard of glass embedded in the ground right where my son’s hand landed… and it’s probably not so bad if said glass hadn’t acted as a fillet knife all up on my baby’s finger…

I’m so not a squeamish person, but ya’ll I nearly fainted when Shawn sent me photos from the hospital! He literally took every bit of skin off the side of his index finger down to the knuckle… yep all the way.

He got to come home from the hospital Sunday, and yesterday was seen at yet another hospital by a hand specialist, who because we don’t have insurance, sent  us to another specialist at yet another hospital, this time the University of Louisville Medical Center.  The doctor came in an took a look, squeezed, prodded, and checked range of motion – after giving my son a loritab and a valium… and promptly decided that he needed a Skin Graft! Soooooo…. tomorrow we go in for preop, they’re going to evaluate the rest of his body and determine where to get the new skin from; then on Friday they’re going to cut a thin slice of him off and attach it to his finger.

I just cannot believe how badly damaged his finger is ya’ll – they’ve told us that if he does not have this surgery on Friday he could lose use of his finger totally because the wound will contract as it heals, pulling the finger in to a permanently bent position. Well, Our Guy is only 17 – I can’t allow that to happen, so it’s surgery we do!

I just hope that the rest of my week is drama free – this mama can’t take any more!

 

I have been remiss…


In updating about Little Mans progress, and I think I should do just that. For those of you who don’t know who Little Man is, he’s our youngest son, who has been basically institutionalized for the last 10 months. He is severely emotionally disabled and developmentally delayed.

We got a call from Mr. M his therapist this past week, and it looks like we’ve hit BLUE! Blue in PRTF speak is the highest level of behavior. It’s the “if you keep it up, you can go home” level… and little man, well little man is there! We’re talking about a HOME VISIT ya’ll! Mr. M is gonna try to bring him to see us next week sometime. He’ll stay and observe what goes on with him and the others in the house, and evaluate how he interacts with all of us. Of course, he has to maintain blue for a week before he can do this. We’re really hoping this time he can do it – we’ve had so many starts and stops with him… but he sounds determined to make a go of it this time!

I’m apprehensive, but I’m looking forward to visiting with him immensely! Let’s just hope this goes well!

OH. my. God!!! or… just shoot me now!


****UPDATE****

Just so everyone knows, the below post is now a mute point! We are no longer in danger of being grandparents again any time soon!

*****End Update*****

 

So, most of you know – if you’ve been around for a while, that I was a teenage mom. My oldest daughter was born just two weeks before my 18th birthday.  I blogged about it as a guest post, and am sharing the link here.

Well, dear readers… it seems that quite possibly, history is doomed to repeat itself.

You see, Our Girl has come to me this week… and she thinks she might be pregnant. If she is… we’ll be expecting another grandchild in July or so.

Ya’ll I cannot tell you how heartbroken I am. She and A have been together almost 2 years now… and I have not deluded myself at all in thinking that the weren’t having sex. She and I have had the talk many, many, many times. So many in fact that she practically has everything I am going to say memorized.

She’s heard it all, chapter and verse, on why she should wait. Why she should save herself for marriage, or at the very least adulthood. But, alas, as in many situations with know-it-all teens, it fell on deaf ears. And now… well, now we could have some serious changes to make.

I’m worried. I’m upset. I’m freaking out. I’m brokenly disappointed. I have had a ‘mom fail’ reach up and slap me in the face. Yep, I’m blaming myself for this. Of course I know it’s stupid. I’m not the one having sex. (No, seriously – I’m not).  But, I can’t help but think… what if.

Did we mess up by letting her start dating at 16? Did we not put enough emphasis on abstinence? Did we not tell her often enough that she didn’t need validation through sex, that any boy worth having was worth waiting for? Did we not give her enough information on how dangerous it is to have sex at her age?

And you know guys, the answer to all these questions is a negative ghost rider. We did do our jobs as parents. We took every precaution. We talked to both of them. We did what we could, and apparently, she had a mind of her own (WHO KNEW??).

Now I’m living with the kind of guilt I think my mother must have felt when I got pregnant with Kyla. I know what it feels like now to have everything that we have worked so hard for come falling down around us. I know how disappointed and heartbroken my mother must have been. And ya’ll? It flippin hurts. I really feel like a complete and utter failure as a mom.

But… now that the cat is out of the bag… and everyone (except Our Guy) in the house knows… we’re accepting it.

Life doesn’t have to end because of this… it just got a whole lot harder.

Her hopes and dreams do not have to be totally smashed, but they will be much harder to obtain. She’s going to have to work 20 times harder than any of the other girls her age to obtain what she wants out of life. She’s going to have to learn a whole set of life skills that she’s not really prepared to learn.

What are we going to do? Well, really and  honestly, we’re just going to do what we do. We will support our daughter and A. We will hope desperately that when the test results are read (we have 3 more days till we can take one) that it’s a big fat negative. But if it’s not – well, then we’re gonna be grandparents again, and will act accordingly. We will get excited about this, we will buy cute clothes, bottles, and a diaper service. We will teach parenting skills as we go. We will do everything in our power to make her pregnancy memorable, and a good experience for them. What we won’t do is take over. We are not going to parent. We are not going to let them get married. We are not going to “take over”. We are not going to throw her out.

Yeah, this really is my life… why do you ask?

So…


Well, a decision has been made that will work out best for everyone. If you aren’t sure what the heck I’m talking about, check out my earlier post here.

Anyway… my daughter has decided that she needs to go with him and do this. But she cannot do this with a baby. It’s too emotional a situation, too much going on, and too hard on a little guy to try and deal with everything that’s going on. Not only that, but his grandmother isn’t getting any better… she’s gong to get worse as time wears on, and it will get harder to care for her.

So, we’ve come to a decision. The baby will stay here with us. He will go out there and visit once a month for a week so that he can spend time with his parents and his great grandmother. When he’s not there, Jackie can concentrate on caring for Josh’s grandmother which is what she wants to do. She is so torn, and so worried about all of this, and everyone involved is relieved that we’ve made this decision; it’s easier on everyone.

Well, everyone that is, but me. But that’s alright too. I can manage just fine – heck, I raised three from infants and have four more steps. It’s all good. They have somewhere the baby can stay and be cared for. “MeMaw” will have caretakers. They will be getting a car out of the deal, which is something they really, really need. His dad is helping him out with a job for the time they’re there. When they come back home, they might even be able to hop right up on their feet and able to build their house back behind us.

We’re happy to be able to help them out. Family should be able to do this for each other. As long as my daughter is happy, and feels she’s making the right choice, I’m good.