So, Happy Friday!
It is time again to get on the Friday bandwagon and step into the confessional.
Today’s topic is going back to my younger days… because I want to make a statement here.
I have done drugs.
Hardcore, addiction bound, serious drugs.
My choice was Methamphetamine – and at one time I was up for nearly 2 weeks straight with only 2-3 hours a sleep every couple of days.
Yeah, I know, sad…
But I tell you that, to tell you this…
I got out. Obviously. No meth head has ever truly had the ability to seriously write… I know I never did.. not then.
I made my decision based on several factors – one of course was my then 7 year old daughter. I was not inclined to allow her to watch mommy murdered in the kitchen floor. (A story for another day for sure). Two… I was less inclined be be executed in cold blood by drug dealers that the ex was running from… Three… I was unhealthy, destined for death, and nearly on my last leg when I chose to get out.
I got up, bought a bus ticket, packed my stuff and moved to North Carolina from Florida. That was in 1997. I never looked back.
I will not tell you that it was “super easy” or that all I needed was a “change”. True, the change was very good. When I arrived at my Aunt G’s house I weighed in at a whopping 87 pounds… soaking wet in a giant robe. Yeah, meth has a way of stripping you down to nothing; mind, body, and soul.
I will tell you that even when presented with opportunities to do it again I have turned it down… every. single. time. Sometimes with a great deal of effort.
I will also tell you that the change was amazing. Within weeks I gained enough weight my cousin and his girlfriend deemed me “fit to work” and gave me a job. Within months I had my own home, a car and a great job. I worked for them for 18 months then took a job with Walmart.
I walked away and I have never ever looked back. I won’t look back. I see photos of myself back then… I look sick, sad, and unhealthy. Today I weigh in at a lovely 123 and I feel great. I know that there are long term effects that occur with sustained usage of methamphetamines – and I’ve already lost all of my teeth to prove that. I’m lucky I didn’t lose my life. There were many times in those days I thought that I would.
I understand how hard drug addiction is – I’ve been there and dealt with it for years. I also know that getting clean is a choice. Walking away is a statement that says “I’m tired of killing myself and I’m ready to start living”. You have to want it. If you have a problem, please get some help and get out of it. Dying for this shit isn’t worth it.
So… that’s my confession on this fine Friday… what’s yours?
- Friday Confessional – March 29 (magimomsblog.wordpress.com)
- Friday Confessional – April 5 (magimomsblog.wordpress.com)
- Friday Confessional – March 8, 2013 (magimomsblog.wordpress.com)
- A “Rush” Of Methamphetamine (casapalmera.com)