Most often we hear the five stages in reference to death. But grief takes on many forms. You can grieve the loss of anything… the thing most closely resembling death though, is the end of a relationship. You begin to fee cut off from the things you loved. Even if the end of said relationship is valid – you have some grieving to do, no matter what the situation. Its how you handle that grief that makes or breaks you.
I have looked at this from my perspective, with the loss of the relationship so fresh… and though to myself – just where am I on this list?
Even though I was the one who initiated the breakup, there is still some amount of denial that the whole thing is taking place… in one way there is a sense of relief that you won’t have to deal with all the stress and anxiety; there is also a certain amount of things you might miss. We all know that even a bad situation, if it goes on long enough provides a certain level of comfort. When that comfort is stripped bare and laid open there is some denial.
Anger is another thing that factors highly into a break up, and there have been several instances in the last few days where I have felt my anger boil. Each time I must tell myself that regardless of how I feel about things – I have to look at it in a logical perspective. Of course things are going to be difficult – he is going to be difficult. I just ended a 10 year relationship. I put my anger in perspective, and it settles down.
Bargaining – ok, so let me just be painfully honest here… the moment the words “I’m not coming back” left my mouth I instantly regretted them… for a moment. Then I felt like I maybe should have bargained for a better deal in the breakup. You know, contact with his kids or something – but the more I think about it – the more I realize that bargaining isn’t going to give me anything that I want or need in my life. While Little Man is very, very special to me, as well as the other kids – I have to allow him to do what he feels is best for his kids.
Depression is something top on the list for me at the moment, but not for the reasons you may think. I do not regret making this choice. I know that it was the right thing for me. However, I am just a bit depressed over the loss of the kids in the situation. I feel some depression that things didn’t turn out differently. Over all though, I have moved on through this stage.
Acceptance is where I feel I am at currently. I have accepted that my life will never be the same. I embrace that fact truthfully. “If you do what you’ve always done… you get what you’ve always gotten”. I accept that now that I am on my own, I have to make some serious changes to my lifestyle. I must move on and take care of myself – without the aid of someone else… I embrace that as well.
All in all, I’m doing okay. I have my moments, but don’t we all? Today is a good day, and tomorrow promises to be even better. In the end, it’s all about the tomorrows.