I’ve tried I don’t know how many times I’ve started a post over the past week and just saved it as a draft and walked away. I think I’ve got the infamous “writers block” or “bloggers block” or whatever… I just know I have a ton of unfinished posts in my list and none of them appeal to me at all. I’m debating on just deleting all the drafts and starting again – but then I go in to read them for possible completion, and they’re all good starts… I don’t want to delete such great words, that meant something when I started – they even had completions lurking at the back of my brain, and then *poof* they were gone in a second.
Partly because I am so frustrated and distracted these days. With Little Man pending on his insurance (again) he’s home all the time – and it just takes so much energy just to have a conversation with him, that I’m unable to form complete thoughts, much less complete sentences. To say that I’m frustrated is putting it mildly.
Today I decided that I would sit down and get something out there today, regardless of how much sense it made or how I felt when I was done. I just wanted to get the words out, hoping to jump start the muse.
Our situation has improved so dramatically, but I still feel like I’m stuck in the same rut… I’m guessing that good fortune and less worry has yet to sink in as reality to me.
Our friends actually sat down with us over coffee the other night and expressed concern that I’m not the same person I was 9 years ago… I have forgotten how to relax and enjoy myself. They’re right… I’ve gotten so entangled in the worries of every day life with Little Man and the other kids that I’ve lost part of myself. I really want to find that part of me again, I’m hoping that writing and getting some of this off my chest will help to do that.
God has blessed us so much in providing us with a wonderful place to live with very special friends who are more like family. These people have been my friends and spiritual mentors for a very long time. I’m so grateful to have them in our lives… I know this is why God closed so many doors and left only this one tiny window (I saw it as tiny) open. I couldn’t understand why He was taking me away from where I really wanted to be (with my daughter and grandson) and putting me somewhere else. But as these last two months have passed I’ve begun to see just why He did this… and I’m truly thankful for it.
He has a plan, I know this – and when He moves I will understand all of it. I know this is the better situation for all of us, we’re no longer just the parents of a special needs child, but we’re people again… people who have friends, and can laugh and enjoy life again… people who are not defined by our children but by who we really are as adults – with real opinions and real lives… Freeing to say the least.
Happy Weekend Ya’ll!