I know that I’ve mentioned Our Girl a few times around here… but I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that she has bi-polar disorder. She has been un-medicated since she was 15 by choice because the idea of taking meds for the rest of her life really scared her.
Now that she’s 18, she is starting to realize that she is not ready or able to truly function successfully without her medication and she’s working toward getting back on medication.
Last night we had a conversation about this and the thing that scares her the most is the fact that most of the bi-polar medications come with the possibility of sterility. She wants to have kids, so this just scares her to death.
I tried to explain to her that regardless of the side effects, an unstable bi-polar doesn’t stand much of a chance at being a good parent so in order for her to be the very best parent she can be (and I know she can be an awesome mom one day) she has to take care of herself, maintain stability, and hope for the opportunity to become a mother naturally.
She doesn’t like my take on things, but I related to her this simple truth – If God want’s her to be a mother, regardless of what the doctors say she will be a mother. She has yet to understand that the hairs on her head were numbered before she was ever born, the choices she has made in life preordained at the inception of the earth. God knows what his plan for her life is, and it may not include having children of her own. Although, I see kids in her future because she is so great with them!
She wants to go into psychology, becoming an Equine Therapist as her final goal, owning her own assisted living facility that specializes in working with kids like her little brother. I told her that God’s plan may not include her own children, but hundreds of kids that need her way more than a child of her own body could ever dream of.
While she’s having a hard time at 18 accepting that she might never have her own kids, or be the “natural mother” to a baby , she does realize that the medications she needs will help her to realize other life goals that are so much more important to her right now.
I hope that I imparted the wisdom she needed to make an informed choice about her goals and her perception of her disorder and what she needs to do to control it. Sometimes being a mom is a painful thing, especially when you have to impart painful truths to your kids… and watch as they accept that information with understanding for the first time. She was crestfallen and a little teary eyed after our conversation, but she understands that even if she wants to be a mom, she has to take the meds in order to become as stable as possible, before she ever tries to think about motherhood.
Thankfully, she’s got years of school and grad school and training ahead to get in the way of parenting and she knows that all of that requires her to be the most stable person she can be in order to realize her ultimate goals. THEN she can worry about having children and raising a family.
I miss the days when our conversations revolved around which dress Barbie needed to wear to fly on the ceiling fan!!!