When love takes the wrong turn

I posted a while back – several months ago in fact about Our Girl and the guy – A. If you are not familiar, Our Girl just turned 17 last week. The guy is 19. She was ‘ready’ to settle for him and live forever in this small town. While we took that with a grain of salt her 17th birthday found us with even more apprehension. Having been together just over a year, he was showering her with everything he  could think of to keep her close – expensive, non-returnable gifts…

But – dear readers, BUT – that all ended day before yesterday. I’m not sure why, or how this happened… but I suspect seeing her sister at 19 with a husband and baby, and NO education, NO prospects, and NO money, has changed her tune dramatically.

Both Jon and Jackie have told her many times over the last couple of weeks NOT to settle for something if it’s not the very, very best she can do. This includes relationships. Now, A is whiny, clingy, and very, very possessive. He didn’t like her wearing makeup. He was not fond of her spending time with her sister or her family at all, yet his idea of a good evening was sitting on HIS couch with his family. Now, I understand him wanting to hang out with his family, but not every time they leave the house – especially when she has a sister that she has never met now living her. She’s high on the new additions to the family, especially her nephew. But A wasn’t willing to give her time to get to know her sister and her brother in law… he wasn’t willing to just hang out here, and he wanted to bribe her into spending time with him. “I’ve got $300 in the bank, if you spend the next two weeks doing stuff with me – I’ll pay for anything you want to do”… she wanted to take her sister, brothers, and nephew swimming. He didn’t.

So life on his terms was becoming a bit oppressive. She was seeing a lot of things that she was missing, and she realized finally that life is too short for unhappy relationships.

So, night before last, when he called for the fourth time she told him to not call here again. She told him it was over, and he wasn’t to message her.

Cold? yes, I think so. Necessary? yep, even more so.

Not only did she do this on her own, without talking to anyone about it first – but she didn’t tell us about it until yesterday when he messaged me and told me about it. She didn’t really want to talk about it, and we’re okay with that. She so far really hasn’t seemed too emotionally bereft… she seems okay. It gets this way with her – once she’s done… she is DONE.

I’m proud of her, and sad for her at the same time. A relationship that lasted as long as theirs (almost 18 months) at her age is a tough one to break off. But she did it – and she seems a lot happier, and much less tense when the phone rings.

As long as she’s happy, I’m supporting her choice. So for those of you with teen daughters who read the original Love and Such post – there is hope for our girls! Sometimes it just takes them some time to realize what’s best for them!


3 thoughts on “When love takes the wrong turn

  1. Wow! He sounds a little scary and possessive to me. I hope that he stops there and gives her the space. I am so proud of her, and don’t even know her! My SIL is freshly graduated and is “completely in love” with her BF who is going off to the Marines. The fear in the family is that she will give up her hard academics work to follow him and marry him without really KNOWING. What can you do? Just let them make their own decisions and be there to support them in the good and bad times I guess.

    My little ones are 2 and 4 so I have at least 12 years before I have to deal with that sort of crazy life! Yikes!

    BTW, this good strong headed decision……comes from being raised right with good self-confidence. Congrats.


    • Yep, he was getting that way, and she wasn’t about to put up with it. We didn’t raise her to be a victim, and it shows! I’m so totally proud of her for that! I know what you mean about your SIL – just hang in there, USUALLY they realize before it’s too late. You’ve got some GREAT years ahead with your little ones – enjoy!!!

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