When I grow up…

When I  grow up, Dad, I want to sail around the world! 8 year old me said excitedly after the first time sailing under a spinnaker in good wind. Minute by minute “fish counts” from the cabin of a 21 ft sailboat “keeled” at maximum.

Why wait until you grow up? I heard of a boy doing it at 16, you could do that. Said my father, still riding high on the Father Daughter Regatta win. I was his “crew”. We came in first place. It was one of the most awesome events of my childhood.

A few years later, when we came in first in the Commodore’s Cup race it was mentioned again – I was 12 then. Hey, dad said, You still want to sail around the world when you’re 16?

Well, yes – I’m thinking about it Dad. I said in that cheerful 12 year old way, everything about the boat, the water, and sailing was in my blood and I loved it.

Well, then, we need to start training in the ocean. We’re taking the boat to your grandmother’s next week. Uncle Brian is going to help crew, and you’re going to learn the ropes.

I am pretty sure I screamed, loudly. I know I had to be told to “calm down” a couple of times. I was so excited I didn’t sleep until our feet hit the floor at my grand parents a week later.

It was the second grandest sailing experience I had ever had. Years later my aunt would find the dollar stapled to the wall in the little island restaurant with our boat name and date. 1978.

The following year, when we took the Questover to my uncle in Florida, he asked me Are you still thinking about sailing around the world in three years? If so, I keep the boat and we start training.

I shed a tear, and replied, No, I don’t think so Uncle Brian. I think that was Daddy and I’s  dream. And now that he’s gone, I just don’t want to do it without him… It doesn’t seem fair.

Well, we’ll hang on to the Q… maybe you’ll change your mind.

As the years went on, I didn’t change my mind. I just couldn’t put myself back out there on the water without him. It hurt to much to remember those moments in time, on the water – that I took for granted. I couldn’t see the future, and didn’t savor each moment to it’s full potential. I hurried through those moments at the speed of light, just like any kid might do.

Now that I am older, and oh so much wiser (I think), I dream that little dream again. Sure, I’m a grandmother, and I suffer from Fibromyalgia. Yes, it would be grueling, tiring, and quite possibly impossible.

But isn’t that what dreams are supposed to be? And if I don’t sail around the world, I know of a little place down in Jamaica that rents boats by the day. They’re fairly cheap. And I’m pretty sure that if Daddy couldn’t sail around the world, the warm water and pristine beaches would draw him like a bee to honey.

Yeah, I’m still dreaming, but the dream has grown up. I guess, so did I.

* This post is in participation of the BloggyMoms July blog challenge. This month’s challenge was to write a blog post about your childhood dreams, wishes, and ambitions. What did you sincerely thing you would do with your life? It also poses the questions: where are you now along the road to what you wanted to be; How do you feel about where you are? Join in the fun, and find a great community of Mom Bloggers who are all about supporting each other!

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